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The Paralysis of Perfectionism

Dear Sisters,

We live in a world that is anything

but perfect; yet everywhere we go “per-

fectionism” is thrust upon us. What do I

mean? Well, just open up a decorating

magazine. You will find their view of

perfectionism. You won’t find a home

that is normal looking, one that you’re

familiar with because so many of your

friends have one like it; rather you will

see a house or apartment that is fin-

ished to perfection from top to bottom.

Otherwise it wouldn’t be in their maga-

zine.

Likewise with food maga-

zines. Colorful pictures of

elegant meals from start to fin-

ish. Sometimes the recipes are

as long as our arms, and if so,

you’ve probably never eaten any-

thing like it before at your

mother-in-law’s house.

How about gardening maga-

zines? Everything is green and in

bloom, bloom, bloom. Even in the win-

ter! There are painted birdhouses in the

garden with special benches that look

matched to perfection. Perfectly in-

credible, isn’t it?

Now we don’t even want to go into

the fashion magazines. Their idea of

perfectionism changes with the wind,

while most of their models could blow

away with it as well. Trying to be per-

fectly in fashion is a useless chasing

after the wind, a trap that so many of

our young teenagers fall into, as their

mothers did before them.

Then there’s homeschooling. The

covers of those magazines always

make me feel like I must be doing

something wrong. The “cover fami-

lies” seem to have it all together with

nary a flaw to be seen. Surely their chil-

dren never struggle like

mine do in math.

Likewise

the crocheting and knitting magazines.

Oh, the beautiful garments displayed

month after month! I keep looking for

one that says “beginner,” but even

those directions elude me.

Why am I bringing this all up?

Well, I think that perfectionism really

paralyzes a wo-

man. Let me ex-

plain.

You’ve got

your perfectionists

who do everything

“by the book.”

Their meals are

perfect. Their homes are perfect. Their

gardens are perfect. Their grooming is

perfect. Their crafting is perfect. But

have you ever lived for a time with a

perfectionist? The rest of the people

in the house are paralyzed by this

woman. Why? For fear that they

will do something to mar what

she has so painstakingly put to-

gether so perfectly well. It is

meant to be viewed from afar

with a red velvet chain decorat-

ing “the door” so that you might

glance in and nod approvingly.

Their children, unfortunately,

suffer the most because they can

never live up to what the perfec-

tionist demands. They often fall

painstakingly short of her ideal.

They feel paralyzed and wish only

for a little mud and love.

Not only that. But the perfection-

ist herself is paralyzed too. Why?

Because if it’s not going to be perfect,

she’s not going to do it. And if she is

going to do it, then it’s got to be perfect.

By the book. So everyone around her

has to toe the line and do it right or

there’s going to be a price to pay. The

price is a heavy one often heard quite

(Continued on page 8)

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Woman to Woman

Vol. 4, No. 2

“And ye are complete in him.” Colossians 2:10

Mar. /Apr. 2001

Our Mission Statement: Believing that we can find

completeness in all areas of our lives only “in him, who

is the head of all principality and power” (Colossians

2:10), it is the mission of Hearth to Hearth to provide a

forum for Christian women to reach out to each other in

friendship, with joy and hope; and to encourage each

other to find our completeness in Christ as we sojourn

here on our way to the kingdom.